apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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