had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
