My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I don't deserve a penis
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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