No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
