he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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