I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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