We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
