You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
