I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
