I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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