i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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