dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
