Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
