Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
