these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
