someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
