its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
