I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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