8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
