if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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