Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
