The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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