I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
my liver is dry heaving
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
