Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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