It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
