wakey wakey hands off snakey
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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