he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
