my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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