There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
