Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
