Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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