Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
