Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
