This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
