We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
