I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
