Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
