I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
