You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
