I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
