real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
