she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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