She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
