Say something about gay babies.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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