Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
