I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
