Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
