On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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