I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
