just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
