It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
