I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize
