fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
