toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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