Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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